Hurley Speaks: Setting the Record Straight

Hurley here.  Word on the street is that Mom's been talkin' bout some "issues" I've been having.  First, what issues?  I mean, I know she says "No", "Off" and "Leave It" a whole bunch.  That always means fun time is over.  But let's be real.  I don't have issues.  I have FUN!  Please allow me to set the record straight on these so-called issues.

I can do no bad.  For realz!

#1.  Counters.  I'll give it to you straight up.  I have no interest in counters.  However, the parental units insist upon putting such yummy treats like chicken and bacon grease up on the counters instead of on the floor.  If they would only start putting those yummy treats, on the floor where they belong, then I would leave the counters alone.  Duh!  I can't believe Mom hasn't thought of this.  I am obviously much smarter than she is.

See?  I'm being good!

#2.  When Mom first brought me to heaven, aka her store or whatever she calls it, we had a heart-to-heart.  I totally get that I'm to show off all my sits, downs, shakes, and high fives for her friends who come in.  However, I will not work for nothing.  I am not a slave nor will I put up with this sweat-shop labor.  One treat and then I'm supposed to stay there and wait for the next treat, which might not come for like 5 whole minutes!  This cannot stand and so I let Mom know in my loudest voice that I will not stand for these injustices!  I am very glad that she has started listening and is paying me in advance.  When one of her friends comes in, I get paid before I even do anything.  All I have to do is go to my spot and I get not just one treat, but a whole toy full of my food.  It's a good thing I was so adamant about letting her know what was fair.  I'm just glad she finally listened!

That dead seagull smelled soooo good!  I can't believe Dad didn't let me get a little taste.

#3.  When I insisted upon writing this post to clear my poor name, Mom told me that she has a rule about the blog.  We always have to write about the good and the bad.  And I don't want you to think anything bad about Mom.  She's not perfect but I'm doing my best to teach her.  Do you wanna know one really cool thing she's taught me?  Mom showed me how awesome hugs, kisses and cuddling were.  I thought I hated all of those things when Mom & Dad first brought me home but now I know better.  They mean that no matter how many times she ruins my fun, she still loves me.  I can dig that!

Cheers,
Hurley